meditation

Compare, Compete, Confuse

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“Compare, compete, confuse.” Yogi Bhajan

Have you seen all the posts on social media about resolutions for self -improvement and professional success in the New Year? There are endless programs to improve your life in every way – lose weight! Re-design your living room! Finish your book in 30 days! Be more politically active! Learn how to be a better parent or have the most perfect kid!

While intellectually I know better, I can feel triggered at times into old, critical self talk which focuses on how much more I SHOULD be doing. This comparison does not inspire healthy competition, but leads to distraction and confusion about what to focus on and dropping the ball from what REALLY inspires me.

Comparisons also happen a lot when faced with cancer and it’s aftermath. While going through treatment, you often hear about how others manage their cancer experience: Mary just “breezed right through it,” Sharon “rode her bike to chemo,” and Leslie “treated radiation like nap time.” Well, good to know but VERY different from how challenging many people find the whole experience.

After active treatment, survivors often feel they should be “over it” more quickly than is realistic and loved ones can encourage this view because they want you to go back to “normal” quickly.

Ten years after diagnosis, I want to remember a few things:

  • Go at your own pace. Treat fellow travelers on similar life paths with respect and maybe affection, but don’t let their steps knock you off your stride.
  • Be present with people when they are speaking to you. Especially your family. Nothing is more important.
  • Enjoy every chance to move your body. Don’t take this for granted.
  • Meditate every day, without judgment about how long or how perfectly.
  • The day is not wasted if you’ve found pleasure in it. Go out to dinner, see a movie, read a novel, show up at a party, appreciate the beauty of nature in your neighborhood, take a nap, play Monopoly with your kid. Laugh.

Healthy pleasures boost the immune system and make life worth living!

 

 

 

Anticipation vs. Expectations

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In yoga class, as students begin turning their attention inward, noticing their thoughts, feelings, and sensations, I give the suggestion that they also let go of their expectations of what they imagined the class would be like, whether they will like it or not, and whether they will “perform” perfectly. At this point, I often notice a shift in the room as breathing deepens and awareness of what is happening right here and now increases.

Practicing what I preach, this week I’ve been working on the theme of managing my own high expectations in real life.

The month has been chock full of activity and emotions for me.

Two friends passed away and I was shocked and saddened, feeling their absence and realizing the transitory reality of life.

A week ago we hosted a large holiday party benefitting my daughter’s dance school and felt the warmth of being surrounded by lively community, bright spirits, and excited children.

Three days later my family and I boarded an early morning flight to NYC for the Bar Mitzvah celebration of my dear friend Shari’s son.

I’m on my way home now, Sunday evening, writing this blog from the JFK airport where our flight is delayed 4 hours.

Before the holiday party, I was feeling overwhelmed about how the party would turn out, packing for our trip, and making it to the end of our NY adventure without something going wrong, one of us catching the flu, or simply running out of energy.

I called my wise friend, a long time yogi and meditator who knows her own boundaries and isn’t afraid to set them.

“You want to know my mantra for when things get crazy like this?” she asked. I agreed, expecting something from the yogic teachings.

Her advice? “LOWER. YOUR. EXPECTATIONS.”

I laughed out loud at the phrase, so opposite to what we hear in popular culture, with its emphasis on high standards, positive thinking, working hard, and manifesting your dream. And I laughed with recognition at how out of whack my expectations had become. In theory everything was possible, yet events would inevitably unfold beyond my control, just as they always do.

As a cancer survivor, I’ve had a lot of practice with events unfolding beyond my control. I’ve had to learn over and over to release my emotional attachment to the OUTCOME looking a certain way in order for me to feel successful or happy in this moment. Instead of focusing on outcome, I can choose to focus on the PROCESS, and by that I mean the moment to moment interactions with others and my awareness of my inner experience.

The process also includes maintaining my commitment to showing up and being as present mentally, emotionally and spiritually as I can be. Being truly present means I can see, hear, and sense the actual REALITY of the situation, not just a mental fantasy about how things COULD or SHOULD look or be.

To have a chance at enjoying the moments, I needed to let go of my VERY strong personal attachment to things working out just exactly the way I dreamed them up.

When I arrived in NY and had lunch with Shari, I passed on the advice about lowered expectations. She laughed as well. Her mind was on overdrive, trying to remember every detail and manage everyone else’s experience.

After the amazing party on Saturday night, when we were having brunch and talking about how fun it all was, I heard her share the mantra that helped her be happy with things exactly as they were. She said, “I just kept telling myself: “lower your expectations.”

 

 

On Asking for Help

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“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.” RUMI

It can be hard to accept that you need help. But to survive and thrive, you must to be willing to ask directly for what you need and to accept what is offered with grace (not guilt). Consider that being a gracious receiver is itself a gift and can bring pleasure to the one who gives.

This yogic exercise embodies the natural rhythm of opening and contracting, giving and receiving. There must be balance between giving and receiving. Too much receiving and you are full, too much giving and you are depleted of energy and resources.

Be fearless and honest about asking the Infinite and your community for what you need to make it through the day or the week! And as you are able, pass it on…

 

 

Victory Breath to lower Anxiety

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Cancer Survivors can benefit from the Victory Breath which activates the positive mind and positive thinking in the face of stress and challenges.

Victory Breath uses a segmented inhale, suspension of the breath, and exhale. On the suspension of breath, think to yourself the syllables: VIC-TOR-Y. See these written in your mind’s eye. Feel yourself strong and victorious.

Let go of attachment to a specific outcome and focus instead on the feeling of victory in overcoming a challenge. Surrender to the Infinite, and the possibility that the challenge will be overcome.

 

Caring for Physical Vulnerabilities

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Cancer survivors are often faced with ongoing side effects from medical treatment that they did not expect.  How can we acknowledge the reality of our side effects and limitations and continue to live and stretch ourselves? This video talks about the dilemma survivors face and ends with a short meditation for accepting ourselves as we are.

Beyond Pleasure and Pain

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Cancer Survivors (like all humans) are often moving emotionally between feelings of gratitude and difficulty tolerating discomfort or pain. We long to hold on the the moments of pleasure and turn away from discomfort. Learning to observe the present moment helps us to tolerate and sometimes even appreciate what is happening. Short guided meditation. www.joybootsforcancersurvivors.com

 

Tips for Sleep

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After my weekly Wellness Warriors Yoga Class, a new student asked for ideas to help her sleep. A four time cancer survivor, she says she falls asleep ok, but wakes around 3am and lies sleepless for hours.

Insomnia-it’s the worst! I would wager that the majority of cancer patients and survivors experience it, as well as many in the general population.

Yogic postures, meditations, and lifestyle practices can help foster sleep.

This week, I’m sharing three (of the many) that you can do next to your bed when you experience sleeplessness:

1.Forward Bends-forward bends help you relax. Come into a gentle forward bend and begin to breathe long and deep. Enjoy breathing and your ability to stretch, no matter how far forward you come. Stretch one leg at a time to protect your lower back if you have pain or concerns about lower discs.

2.Table pose. Place your hands under your shoulders and your feet beneath your hips. Press the hips up until they are parallel to the floor. Look up at the ceiling. Eyes can be open or closed. Breathe long and deep and stay with the posture until you can no longer hold the position. Come down from the posture and relax a few moments. Then resume the posture. Continue to release tension by coming into the posture with slow, deep breathing until you find yourself worn out and ready to meditate.

3.Meditation for Sleep

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This meditation uses 2 mantras from Kundalini Yoga as Taught by Yogi Bhajan: Sa Ta Na Ma (Cycle of Life-Life, Birth, Death, Rebirth) and Wahe Guru (expression of ecstasy and connection with the Infinite).

You can sit up in bed or sit on the floor or in a chair.

It has 4 parts:

  • First, take 4 even sniffs in through the nose. With each sniff, think to yourself one of the syllables of the mantra: Sa Ta Na Ma.
  • Then, suspend your breath in and think to yourself 4 rounds of Sa Ta Na Ma.
  • Next, exhale though the nose as you think to yourself Wahe Guru.
  • Eyes are either gently closed or focused at the tip of your nose.

In this short video, I explain the meditation and postures for relaxation.

https://www.youtube.com/edit?o=U&video_id=KBb-LW20U0U

Let me know your experience, questions, and need for modifications. Sweet dreams to you!

DISCLAIMER
I’m a licensed clinical social worker and yoga teacher practicing in Austin, Texas. My writings and videos represent a combination of my own personal opinions and my professional training, but they do not reflect professional or medical advice. Interaction with me via the vlog or blog does not constitute a professional therapeutic relationship. For individualized professional advice, you should seek the services of a therapist who can dedicate the time necessary to get to know you and your physical and mental health needs. I do not assume liability for any portion or content of material on the vlog/blog and accept no liability for damage or injury resulting from your decision to interact with the website.

© 2024 Kelly Inselmann. All Rights Reserved.
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When I remember my Joy Boots… I feel grounded, connected to the earth and my place in it. I accept my body with its vulnerabilities and sensations. I am aware of my breathing and able to breathe deeply. I am connected to my own life force energy.

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