Take a few minutes to reclaim and befriend your body, your energy and your day. People who have had cancer often adjust to significant changes, side effects, and managing discomfort. Acknowledge what it takes and how hard you try. This short practice is to appreciate your body, feel integrated, and whole.
Kelly Inselmann
Thank You for this Breath
Thanksgiving 2007. We had a month old baby girl and were over the moon in love with her. But I wasn’t sleeping at all which made me a little psychotic and I had mastistis, a breast infection, which made breastfeeding excruciating. Looking back, I probably also had post partum depression. Or was it intuition about what was coming?
Still, our baby was healthy and happy and we were trying to adjust to new life rhythms.
Following Thanksgiving, I underwent a series of scans that led to a biopsy, that led to being diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer on December 13. My daughter was 2 months old.
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This moment. This breath.
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I went for chemo at MD Anderson throughout 2008, and often asked my friend GG to accompany me. I looked forward to being with her because she was relaxed and neutral and present. She didn’t try to cheer me up. She was just available and gave her time generously. Each time I called her up to see if she could come, the answer was always yes, without checking her schedule.
I found it natural to be grateful for many blessings-health insurance, the support of family and friends, the ability to take time off work, my daughter’s health and the love she received from community. But it was hard to be grateful for the rest-the impact on my body of grueling procedures, life interruptions, the pain, the fear of leaving my daughter, the insomnia, the emotional ups and downs that felt terrible when everyone was trying to be kind.
When GG was there, she helped me stay in the present moment, expressing gratitude for things exactly as they were. Often, that was the opposite of what I was feeling, which was scared and exhausted.
After the nurses set up infusion bags, while waiting to begin the chemo, we set a healing intention. We prayed the chemo would reach the cancer cells and spare the rest.
And each time, GG made this simple statement: “Thank You for this moment. Thank You for this breath.”
So simple. I couldn’t have come up with those words, but her prayer shifted me into being present with everything just as it was: the boredom of the moment, how slow it all went, the physical discomfort, my connection to a loving friend, and the profound lack of certainty.
Ten years later, I’m still learning to be thankful for each moment and each breath.
Releasing Tension
This is the 8th exercise from Kriya for Immune Fitness, an excellent kundalini yoga set for the lymphatic and nervous systems. In this exercise, breathe in and out though circled lips. Inhale as you squeeze the elbows close to the ribcage, exhale punching out to the sides. The thumb is placed inside fists. Add the mental mantra, thinking to yourself Sat (truth) on the inhale, Nam (identity) on the exhale.
Hurricane
During a hurricane, the warning signs are there: the weather turns dark, the winds pick up, rains become frightening and torrential. You buckle down to survive.
The storm feels endless. Power goes out.
At the mercy of nature, you do what you can to be cautious, and you have the water, flashlight, candles, and snacks you need to get through. You are grateful for your friends and family and neighbors. Sometimes strangers show up to help at a crucial moment.
Maybe you get through relatively unscathed, except for the fear and worry about others.
But sometimes your house is barely standing or unrecognizable. It was far worse than expected.
People bring food, text messages of concern, drive you places, help you tear off the rotten wood and carry your belongings to the street for a while. There’s FEMA – not a great option, but better than nothing.
As time goes on, to others your struggle seems less urgent, and you hear from people less. They assume you are getting along better and of course they have their own lives.
The sky outside is blue and you can hear the birds chirp. Restaurants and stores are back open. The world is going on around you, even though you are still not finished rebuilding your house or your life. You are now on your own.
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This hurricane comparison came from Robyn who sent me a message after reading a piece I wrote on how your emotions must be allowed to emerge in order to heal.
She likened cancer recovery to the aftermath of a natural disaster: “It’s like a hurricane hit your life and even though you should just be grateful you survived it, dealing with the aftermath of it all takes so much longer than the actual hurricane itself…”
It’s true. Cancer, like other chronic and critical illness, hits your body and your personal life like a hurricane. And like hurricane survivors, it’s important to know it is not unusual to struggle greatly as you pick up the pieces of your life. Others are also experiencing the shock, fear, dread, anger, loss, gratitude, and joyful moments as you.
Though you know it takes time to heal, there’s pressure to move on quickly and be cheerful, even as you are confronted with painful or upsetting side effects: joint or bone pain, pain from surgery, chemobrain, lack of mobility, job loss, relationship problems, fatigue, just to name a few.
Still, it takes time to come to terms with the reality of what you have gone through. You have to get to know your body again, rebuild it, and adapt to changes in how you see the world, your relationships, and priorities.
Sometimes the pressure comes from within. You want so badly for it to be over. You expect yourself to fit right back in to your old life and schedule and priorities when everything about you has shifted and needs space and time and support to heal and re-integrate.
“I don’t want to have had cancer…” I sometimes hear from clients. The steps to recovery feel so overwhelming.
And yet, given no other option, you do move forward.
What helps manage feelings?
- Reaching out instead of isolating. Say what you feel. Let yourself cry and express anger.
- Finding ways to move your body that feel safe and nurturing, even pleasurable to you: walking, swimming, yoga, dancing-all at your own pace. Check out Team Survivor activities in your community.
- Attending support groups and getting therapy.
- Asking your medical questions until you feel you understand.
- Resting without guilt.
- Writing about your pain and your feelings and your experience as though they were important. Because they are.
- Long deep breathing.
- Spending time with friends and family who are supportive. If they are draining to you, limit your time with them.
- Being in nature.
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Reality is, things may never be exactly the same. Be honest with yourself about what you are feeling and find community who allow you to show up just as you are.
Photos are from my sister’s neighborhood in Houston following Hurricane Harvey.
The Thaw
The days seemed endless, and Michele marked them off in her calendar like a prisoner records days of a long sentence on the wall. Six months of weekly chemo followed by 6 months of infusions every few weeks. In between, there was surgery and radiation. She resisted anything slowing down her progress. She focused on the day she was declared free of the cancer and free to get her life back.
At the end of active treatment, little things that used to annoy her, barely registered. She had more perspective about what is important: family, health, showing compassion for herself and others.
Michele survived emotionally with positive affirmations and faith, and by sheer grit: grinning and bearing it. To assuage the worry and fear of others, she often appeared cheerful, squelching pain, disappointment, grief and anger.
In the months following the end of treatment, she begins to feel easily irritated, fatigued and emotional. She has trouble containing her feelings, and they erupt in a flash of anger or tears at inopportune moments. She’s hard on herself for lacking gratitude. She worries her lack of positivity will bring the cancer back.
Michele is not alone! In my Yoga and Talk® Groups and Classes for Cancer Survivors, I see this phase of recovery often and I call it “the thaw.”
The thaw can occur anytime during or after treatment and is hard to predict.
The shock and emotional numbness that offered (unconscious) protection from the trauma begins to wear off, often unevenly. Sometimes, you feel positive and grateful, other times the future seems plagued with danger and endless fear of recurrence. Effort can feel meaningless, your feelings raw or simmering below the surface.
You know how when your foot falls asleep and then you try to walk and you have to take your time and it’s awkward and uncomfortable? The emotional thaw is similar in that you have to take your time and people may need to wait.
While it can be deeply unsettling, in my experience, it’s also a signal that you are ready for emotional healing.
As your heart thaws and you come to terms with the reality of what happened to you, give yourself as much permission as possible to rest and allow the sensations and feelings to emerge, be understood and healed.
Here are a few ways to be kind to yourself during the thaw:
- Know that tears are the body and mind’s way of cleansing. It’s a way of integrating your experience, so the thought and feeling are not separated inside you. If you need to cry, cry until the tears are gone for the moment. Don’t try to stop the tears. Stay with the feeling. It won’t last forever. Michele recently told me that she lets herself cry in the house, car, and shower. When the tears come, she welcomes them and tries to squeeze every last one out. Sometimes people cry in yoga class or in my groups and because they are in public, they try to turn it off and feel embarrassed. At least in my classes, I say bring it on – it’s a sign that you are cleansing and integrating.
- Find ways to discharge grief and anger physically, through exercise or art.
- Vent to a trusted friend or support group. Be willing to name what you are actually feeling and be heard. If someone can’t be there for you, don’t blame yourself. But look for others who can be present even when you are sad or angry.
- Seek out a therapist to help you piece together the cancer experience in the context of your life. Is there unresolved prior trauma that has been triggered and now needs healing as well? Do you need help sorting through complex relationships?
- If you can’t stop crying or raging, and I mean 24/7, not just allowing the tears to flow, or if you are not sleeping at all, PLEASE see a therapist or doctor. There is much support to be gained.
- Look for community where you can show up exactly as you are in this moment, transformed. Both the same and different from how you were before cancer.
- Get bodywork – massage, acupuncture, physical therapy, yoga. Your experience has been stored in your body and will benefit from gentle care.
It’s messy to thaw out and more than a little painful. But to gain vitality and wellness, the thaw is essential. Grief and anger must be felt, not stuffed inside or disowned, only to leak out or keep you numb. And you must be supported in this process-don’t isolate.
Deeper emotional healing, truer relationships, and re-connecting with the pulse of your life is on the other side.
Over the next 6 months, I’m going to focus on the Role of Emotions in Healing. I hope you will join the conversation by leaving me a comment on the website about your experience with the thaw and questions about feelings and cancer and how they relate.
On Asking for Help
“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.” RUMI
It can be hard to accept that you need help. But to survive and thrive, you must to be willing to ask directly for what you need and to accept what is offered with grace (not guilt). Consider that being a gracious receiver is itself a gift and can bring pleasure to the one who gives.
This yogic exercise embodies the natural rhythm of opening and contracting, giving and receiving. There must be balance between giving and receiving. Too much receiving and you are full, too much giving and you are depleted of energy and resources.
Be fearless and honest about asking the Infinite and your community for what you need to make it through the day or the week! And as you are able, pass it on…
Victory Breath to lower Anxiety
Cancer Survivors can benefit from the Victory Breath which activates the positive mind and positive thinking in the face of stress and challenges.
Victory Breath uses a segmented inhale, suspension of the breath, and exhale. On the suspension of breath, think to yourself the syllables: VIC-TOR-Y. See these written in your mind’s eye. Feel yourself strong and victorious.
Let go of attachment to a specific outcome and focus instead on the feeling of victory in overcoming a challenge. Surrender to the Infinite, and the possibility that the challenge will be overcome.
Overcoming Panic and Anxiety
Feeling anxiety or panic?
Try this simple but powerful breath exercise from kundalini yoga for overcoming a panic or anxiety attack.
Cancer survivors and others will benefit from learning this practice to quickly gain better control of their breathing and relax the mind.
The sips are many little bitty sips like you are trying to suck the last bit of liquid through a straw. Keep sipping until you have taken in as much air as you comfortably can. Then suspend the breath in for a few moments before exhaling smoothly through the nose. Repeat as many times as you want.
Healing Meditation for Eclipse Day and Every Day
The Ra Ma Da Sa Meditation for healing and protection can help you open your heart with compassion for yourself and those around you. The sounds Ra Ma Da Sa name the Sun, the moon, the earth and acknowledge the infinite, the creator of all.
Bibi Bani Kaur is the artist who sings this mantra so beautifully.
Embracing Life
Give yourself permission to enjoy life and choose activities that bring you pleasure and joy, even if outside your comfort zone. Cancer Survivors sometimes blame themselves when they feel fatigue or pain after doing activities that are important for their vitality. How can we both accept our vulnerabilities and be willing to embrace life?
