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Moving Forward Together

May 14, 2020October 6, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

Last week, I highlighted the top five areas you indicated cancer has most affected your life. But what about the less glaring areas that still very much affect you?

Energy

If you’re undergoing cancer treatment and find your energy is bottomed out no matter how much rest you get, you may be suffering from cancer fatigue. This can last for weeks or even months after treatment ends.

Not eating properly can make it worse. Make sure to nourish your body with the right foods to keep your energy levels up.
Listen to your body when it says enough is enough. Don’t over do it and rest up when you need it. Everything else can wait!
Talk to your doctor about your fatigue if you have symptoms, especially lingering long into recovery.

Positivity

You’ve heard before that your attitude is everything, but the idea of having a positive outlook every day is completely unrealistic. However, an incredibly important part of coping and recovery is to recognize your feelings and emotions.

Seek out therapy to deal with your emotions. Work closely with a professional with the goal of feeling more upbeat, seeing the positive and having a better quality of life.
Sadness, depression, guilt, fear and anxiety are all normal parts of having cancer and recovering from cancer. If you need someone to talk to, email me or reach out to one of your fellow Joybooters who can relate. Find support wherever and however you’re comfortable.
Acknowledge your feelings and then take control over them before they take control over you. When you’re in a slump, take a walk, watch funny videos online, look through family photos– whatever removes you from the present moment and propels you into a happier, more positive one.

Physical Ability

Depending on the type of cancer you have, your overall health and where you are in your treatment, you may suffer from physical limitations or even lasting physical side effects from cancer. Respect your physical boundaries, but also keep in mind the positive effects that exercise has on your physical body, your mood and your spirit.

Too much downtime can lead to loss of function, muscle weakness, reduced range of motion, blood clots and fatigue, so do any amount of exercise you’re comfortable with that doesn’t cause too much pain or discomfort.
Stay as active and as fit as possible by finding activities you enjoy or even trying new, lower impact ones like yoga, dancing or swimming.
Just like before cancer, physical activity in your daily life is essential to your long term health. Staying active, even if you’re only able to take short walks, will help you in recovery and beyond when dealing with the lasting side effects.

Impacting Others

Cancer will affect other people besides you. Your loved ones will likely experience much of the same fear and sadness as you. You may find yourself relying on others more than you’re comfortable out of necessity. Sometimes people may distance themselves from you.

The stress of diagnosis, treatment and recovery can be hard on a marriage or committed relationship. Know that you are not alone in this. Consider reaching out for support from a marriage counselor or individual therapist.
Some people may not have the capacity to be a friend to you during this time. This can be painful. Try not to blame yourself for this.
You may find that people you barely knew become important parts of your life and that you are better for getting to know them. Be willing to risk connecting with new people through support groups and other healthy activities.

Feeling Disengaged

You may feel disconnected from your life before cancer, your job before cancer, your friends before cancer or your interests before cancer. At times, you may feel completely disconnected from the past and disengaged from the present. Or sometimes you may feel down for no particular reason at all.

Whether it’s a spouse, sibling, parent, friend, fellow Joybooter or professional– get support from those who care about your happiness and your mental wellbeing.
Being disengaged from life and from the things that would typically bring you joy can manifest into depression if not treated. Talk to your doctor if you have feelings of depression that lasts for more than a few days.

As you reach the end of active treatment or a plateau, you may begin to re-assess your goals and priorities to find that they have shifted, sometimes dramatically, both from necessity or by choice.

How can you move forward even as you continue to heal? In my own recovery, I needed to create a new framework for my healing. In working with survivors, I developed 6 Principles for Emotional Recovery that I have found helpful to share.

This fall, I’m again offering my 6 week online course: Healing Well:Reconnect to Your Life After Cancer. While these principles truly apply to everyone, I love sharing them with my fellow JoyBooters.

Click here to register: https://app.ruzuku.com/courses/38231/about

Cancer’s Emotional Impact: Top 5 Areas

May 14, 2020September 29, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

Thanks to everyone who shared their feedback in last week’s survey, Impact of Cancer Experience. It’s no secret that cancer impacts everyone in different ways, but I wanted to share the top five areas that were revealed by the survey results and share some ideas to help you address and cope with the different scenarios that may be impacting you wherever you are in your journey. .

Work – You’ll need to figure out how and if you will continue to work while you are being treated for cancer. Here are some tips to help you better manage your work life.

Set limits and realistic expectations with management, being clear about when and to what extent you will be taking time off or returning to work.
Don’t take on any extra responsibilities at work. This will further deplete your energy and add stress to what may feel more demanding than it once was.
Familiarize yourself with your employer’s leave and illness policies so you can make informed decisions about taking time off.
Find allies in the workplace and educate co-workers who you can trust to support you.
Give yourself time to recover. Find ways to breathe and relax, if you can, during the day.
Sometimes people find that they choose to return to work too quickly. If you can manage it, consider giving yourself a slow re-entry (i.e. returning less than full-time at first).

Relationships – Cancer can impact many things in your life, including your friendships, family life and marriage.

The stress of diagnosis, treatment and recovery can be hard on a marriage or committed relationship. Know that you are not alone in this. Consider reaching out for support from a marriage counselor or individual therapist.
Some people may not have the capacity to be a friend to you during this time. This can be painful. Try not to blame yourself for this.
You may find that people you barely knew become important parts of your life and that you are better for getting to know them.
Be willing to risk connecting with new people through support groups and other healthy activities.

Mood – A cancer diagnosis is a life-changing event which will undoubtedly affect your mood and it’s important to take notice of these fluctuations.

Know that shock, stress, grief, anger, fear and even terror are normal responses to the cancer experience. Know that these are not permanent states and will eventually pass.
Be open to allowing the experience to impact you instead of fighting to pretend everything is exactly the same as before. This will free you to not stuff your feelings and reach out for support.
Let your loved ones know how you are really feeling, if it’s emotionally safe to do so. Allow people to comfort you and to be with you in the struggle of what you are feeling.
Support groups can be VERY helpful for many people. Seek them out in person and online.
Make use of activities such as exercise, yoga, meditation, bodywork. Choose activities that bring pleasure to your body at a time when you may be feeling physical and emotional discomfort.
Find a good therapist and share.
If you are unable to find relief and/or worry that you might hurt yourself, please seek a consultation with a psychiatrist or therapist immediately. You are going through a lot and deserve all the support you can access.
Enjoy the moments of gratitude and contentment and appreciation that can be a part of your experience. Know that these are not permanent and don’t try to hold on to them. They will come again.

Mental Focus – Cancer treatments may cause cognitive symptoms such as a shortened attention span, difficulty thinking and short-term memory. (“cancer brain” or “chemo brain”).

Give yourself time to rest and recover.
Know that most cognitive challenges will improve once treatment ends.
Practice self compassion and patience with yourself and the process.
Find support groups.
Try meditation to improve memory and lower stress, anxiety, and and inflammation.
Even if your memory or executive functioning does not return to pre treatment standards (mine didn’t!), you are still a worthwhile person. Practice acceptance of how things are now. Get support for this if you need to-it’s hard!
Practice enjoying being “in the moment!”

How your goals and priorities may change and evolve-coming up next week.

Whether you are a cancer survivor, loved one, or oncology professional, there’s still time to let your voice be heard in the survey:

http://www.kellyinselmann.com/uncategorized/survey-on-emotional-impact-of-cancer/

Survey on Emotional Impact of Cancer

May 14, 2020September 29, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

As I shared last week, I learn so much from you and your experiences. Whether you are also a cancer survivor, a loved one, or an oncology professional, could you do me a quick favor?

I’m about to offer my Healing Well: Reconnect with Your Life After Cancer course again and could use some feedback before I finish it up.

Would you be able to help me by answering a few quick questions based on your own hard earned experience? It should take 1-2 minutes):
https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/NYLHP8B

Why Do I Do It?

May 14, 2020September 14, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

“You have given me the strength to carry on and find happiness and light.” Suzanne Cowper

Sometimes people ask me why I want to work with cancer survivors. They wonder why it doesn’t bring me down. It may seem strange, but I usually have the opposite feeling from my work with people faced with cancer or those who have been through treatment.

I generally feel so uplifted and encouraged by the strength of the human spirit, the poignancy, the depth and the humanness we all share. I also like being with people who can deeply understand what it’s like to consciously face their own mortality and carry on, even while living a day to day existence. I get to see people experience the whole range of normal human emotions– the
shock, the fear, the anger, the ecstatic experience of the present moment, the appreciation and gratitude for the gift of life and their blessings. I get to see immense courage which always includes such touching vulnerability.

All these experiences that people have, they bring with them to the yoga mat and to counseling sessions and I get to be inspired by their courage and touched by their vulnerability. I’m deeply moved by the common humanity we share and the different stages of emotional shock, anger, fear, gratitude and wonder we all experience. I get to witness and share in people’s moments of awareness and healing no matter what is happening with the cancer in their bodies.

I had a friend who came with me often to chemo. Her prayer with me as we would begin the treatments was “Thank you for this breath. Thank you for this moment.” I hold this with me today as the highest prayer, simply to be present and aware and show gratitude for this moment, right here, right now. True healing is not the same as cure. Cure is something else. To me, healing is about coming in to reality and accepting it while maintaining appreciation of the gift of this present moment.

When faced with a life-threatening illness which draws you into a confrontation with your own physical vulnerability and mortality, your system is awakened. First, you are in shock, but then you remain very alert. You are alert to your fear, the side effects, ideas of the future, the urgency to take action, your desire to protect loved ones. More than ever, you have the opportunity to be very alert and sensitive to what is most important.

I want to be around people who have been awakened. I want to surround myself with those who, even though they would not have chosen this path, are using this path to connect to their own hearts and pulse of life. The people I’m drawn to are those who have the undeniable strength to carry on, seek happiness and light even when rummaging around in the darkness of difficult moments.

So many people have reached out to me during my husband’s illness with love, encouragement and deep understanding. They have shared their own experiences of surgery and treatment with great advice and deep empathy for my husband and me. I learn so much from the Joybooters who come to my classes and groups. I get as much energy as I give and learn at least as much as I teach from the brilliant minds and warm hearts I am connected to.

Let’s All Take a Deep Breath

May 14, 2020September 13, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

“I feel that since my diagnosis of cancer, I’ve had an accelerated learning curve about myself and the rest of the universe.

I miss my ‘old self’ but I know that I am living life to it’s fullest and enjoying every breath.

Breath. It really is everything.”

Nancy Kirby, Austin, TX

Stopping to take a breath, focusing on long, deep breathing can support you as you move forward with your healing. You likely already know that deep breathing is the foundation of most meditation practices, but it benefits your mind and body in many ways you may not have considered.

By breathing deeply, you allow your diaphragm to relax, your rib cage to expand and create more space for the lungs to fill with life. This increases oxygen in your blood, eventually helping your heart rate to slow down, creating feelings of calmness, peace and relaxation.

Deep breathing also detoxifies your body and releases toxins. Roughly 70% of toxins in our bodies are released through our breath. Carbon dioxide, as an example, is a natural waste product of your body’s metabolic process.

So what other benefits can you experience from practicing deep breathing?

Strengthening the lymphatic system
Calming the nervous system
Lowering and stabilizing blood pressure
Reducing feelings of anxiety and stress

Now that you know how deep breathing can benefit your mind and body, let’s practice.

Sit in a comfortable position, lie flat on the floor, your bed or yoga mat- somewhere you’re comfortable.
Relax your shoulders and your back. Really tune into every part of your body to make sure you’re not feeling tension anywhere.
Breathe in through your nose until your lungs feel full. Experience the air moving through your nostrils into your abdomen, making your stomach expand.
Exhale slowly until your lungs feel deflated.
Repeat this process several times.

If you’d like to practice with me, click here.

Blessings in the Grief

May 14, 2020September 1, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

Cancer diagnosis can bring about many challenges, and let’s face it, difficulties. Your day to day activities are interrupted, your body is affected, as are your priorities, relationships, finances and career, ability to think ahead to future events, and emotions.

Looking back, I feel fortunate that within the first week of my diagnosis 11 years ago, an experienced friend (who had been a caregiver for her husband during his brain cancer) said to me: “There will be blessings in this experience as well as difficulties.”

I remember this moment because from then on I was open to the moments of gratitude and joy, connection and surprise.

What is a blessing? Here’s one Webster’s Dictionary definition:

Blessing: a thing conducive to happiness or welfare.

One of my unexpected blessings has been this Joy Boots community-learning from you all even as I share what I have learned through yoga and psychology.

As my husband goes through his treatment, I’ve appreciated the energy, prayers, notes, and in some cases, food (thanks Nancy!) sent my way from this community. Thank you!

I send that love and appreciation back to you! I also find myself curious about the blessings you have experienced through your cancer journey, in spite of the dark moments – and in some cases because of them.

Falling Apart is Part of the Cycle of Life

May 14, 2020August 25, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

Looking to nature helps me appreciate the cycles of life.

The lush abundance of a cool early summer with lots of rain, has moved into stifling heat this year and the grass is turning brown.

Over the past month, as my husband and I waded through medical decisions and his surgery approached, I felt more than a trace of desperation. I found myself falling apart in the face of the unknown. I didn’t know the outcome of my husband’s surgery and leaving my daughter behind as her new school began, to be cared for by relative strangers, felt like a terrible choice.

I appreciated the many good wishes sent my way through email, Facebook and the ethers. They helped to sustain me.

As happens in all moments of falling apart, the process did have an eventual end point as my husband emerged from a successful surgery and is recovering well. My daughter showed great independence and resilience, even while snapping right back into her basic “tween” attitude as soon as we returned.

As with all feelings and states of being, nothing is permanent. Not the dreaded pain and fear, nor the moments of joy we wish we could hold onto forever.

Falling apart is an essential ingredient in the cycle of life. The seeding or germination is followed by birth and Life! And then there is a falling apart (slow or quick), a death or endpoint, which in nature always leads to a transformation or rebirth. If you don’t fall apart, is there transformation?

One of the classic meditations in kundalini yoga, Kirtan Kriya, directly includes the awareness of this cycle of life. The Sa-Ta-Na-Ma meditation has been studied at UCLA and found to lower inflammation and improve memory. It is now being studied at the UT School of Nursing to understand it’s possible impact on cognitive function after chemotherapy.

Kirtan Kriya is a powerful meditation for clearing your subconscious and bringing you into the present moment. With each 4 part phrase, you acknowledge the beginning, middle and end of all parts of life and your experiences.

Here’s a link to practice it with me:http://www.kellyinselmann.com/monday-morning-videos/meditating-on-the-cycle-of-life/

Or here for an audio recording: https://www.therapistuncensored.com/tu52-bonus/

As I begin this week in an improved frame of mind and with stronger energy, I’m grateful to the part of me that was willing to allow the experience of falling apart. I’m going to need the strength to fall apart again and again.

Resistance to acknowledging your feelings of fear, sadness, grief and anger, can freeze your feelings and make you feel numb inside. It also, at least in my case, keeps me from acknowledging that I need help and asking for it.

Falling apart is uncomfortable but essential.

On Falling Apart

May 14, 2020August 16, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

“How can we pull ourselves together when we haven’t allowed ourselves to fall part?”

Elizabeth Goble

My husband’s cancer experience is giving me the chance to revisit how my 6 Principles for Emotional Recovery and Resilience (6 Principles) work. To be honest, things have been hard. We are getting ready to go to Houston for a series of surgeries while my daughter starts middle school in a new environment where she doesn’t have friends yet and we don’t have any systems in place.

The disruptions and surprises keep coming and the underlying uncertainty is a challenge. In this moment, I’m reminded that I don’t have to fight against allowing the experience to affect me, my schedule, my goals, our relationships and my life. I’m aware of surrendering my tight grip on trying to be in control and I’m back to basics with Principle #1: Getting Honest about how the cancer experience is/has impacted you. If you don’t let yourself fall apart physically and emotionally, you simply remain frozen, incapable of moving past this.

Right now, my cancer experience is affecting me and I have to make a lot of adjustments. There are some professional and personal goals that have to be shifted. I’m tired and worried about my family. I’m falling apart so I can put myself back together. I’m feeling some relief in admitting that, to myself and to you.

Are You Easily Shocked?

June 1, 2019May 30, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

Learning that you or a loved one has cancer is a shock. Most survivors measure their lives as before and after cancer, often commemorating the day of diagnosis as their “cancerversary,” the day their lives changed forever.

The word cancer itself, until very recently, was whispered and avoided for the fear it could inspire.

People who were very ill were sometimes not even told their diagnosis for fear that

the truth would create unbearable emotional distress.

What does emotional shock look like? It can vary:

Difficulty concentrating
Memory lapses
Confusion
Feeling shut down or numb
Inability to function
Fear, anger, difficulty controlling emotions
Feelings of helplessness
Feeling outside of your body
Difficulty remaining in the present moment
Laughing, crying, screaming
Being in denial and moving along as though nothing has happened.
At a moment when you most need to be clearminded in order to make complicated decisions on treatment, you may feel foggy, overwhelmed or emotionally disregulated.

It’s a challenge, but this is the time to get grounded.

Getting grounded means taking measures to feel connected to your body, your breath and the present moment.

In a moment of overwhelm, here’s what I recommend for getting grounded:

Rely on your community – start talking and sharing what you feel with safe people. Do not try to go it alone if you can connect with others. Get and give hugs and healthy touch (try a massage!).
If you don’t have much social support at diagnosis, reach out immediately for support groups in person and online. Find spaces that are encouraging and uplifting at this point in the process.
Do practices for connecting to your body and breath , and through your body to the earth and nature. Walking, running, swimming, meditation, yoga, connecting to pets or children.
Check out this video for one guided practice:http://www.kellyinselmann.com/monday-morning-videos/move-the-body-balance-the-mind-warm-ups/

The Art of Saying No

May 22, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

So you want to say no, but you don’t know how?

If you are unsure whether you should make others comfortable at your own expense, read last week’s post here http://www.kellyinselmann.com/monday-morning-videos/can-boundaries-improve-your-relationships/?fbclid=IwAR2H7X9QkWEv137hzdRV6AmBgPTQuIDU-ABZBLb5ozbGeFzydbukQ-4AC7Y

Many people don’t get early training in saying no or asserting yourself. That’s ok-but there’s no time like the present to start!

In the service of your health and emotional wellbeing, you must be willing to take the time and space you need to heal.

And that means being willing to choose to prioritize your peace of mind and energy and to reclaim your time. Giving yourself this permission can be the hardest part for some people.

Does this mean never help or be there for another person? Of course not!

But I will wager most of you are already well trained and adept in the art of putting others first.

Allow me to share a few of the phrases that make it easier for for me to protect my energy:

I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I’m going to have to hang up now. Talk to you later. Then hang up!
I really want to hear more about this, but I’m going to have to call you back (take a nap, get on to my next activity). Then move along.
I wish I could sign up, but I’m still healing/resting/receiving treatment.
I wish I could, but I can’t.
I’m not in a position to volunteer right now.
No thank you.
“No.” It can be a complete sentence!
I’d love to, but let me think about it. I’m still healing.
Do not raise your hand or sign your name if it’s not going to bring you JOY (or save an actual life).
Try to avoid giving long explanations that will tempt others to keep asking.

It’ s crucial to get used to the idea that you may not receive as much (or any!) praise and thanks for saying no. Some people may even push back with annoyance or hurt.

But as you stop overcommitting, you are making space for joy, delight, and healing. You are preparing for the moment that you can say YES and mean it.

It is your right and responsibility to keep setting limits on activities that drain your energy.

They may not thank you for saying no, but that’s OK!