We have a beautiful mother
Her hills
are buffaloes
her buffaloes
hills.
We have a beautiful
mother
Her oceans
are wombs
Her wombs
oceans.
We have a beautiful
mother
Her teeth
the white stones
at the edge
of the water
the summer
grasses
her plentiful
hair.
We have a beautiful
mother
Her green lap
immense
Her brown embrace
eternal
Her blue body
everything
we know.
Alice Walker
“Compare, compete, confuse.” Yogi Bhajan
Have you seen all the posts on social media about resolutions for self -improvement and professional success in the New Year? There are endless programs to improve your life in every way – lose weight! Re-design your living room! Finish your book in 30 days! Be more politically active! Learn how to be a better parent or have the most perfect kid!
While intellectually I know better, I can feel triggered at times into old, critical self talk which focuses on how much more I SHOULD be doing. This comparison does not inspire healthy competition, but leads to distraction and confusion about what to focus on and dropping the ball from what REALLY inspires me.
Comparisons also happen a lot when faced with cancer and it’s aftermath. While going through treatment, you often hear about how others manage their cancer experience: Mary just “breezed right through it,” Sharon “rode her bike to chemo,” and Leslie “treated radiation like nap time.” Well, good to know but VERY different from how challenging many people find the whole experience.
After active treatment, survivors often feel they should be “over it” more quickly than is realistic and loved ones can encourage this view because they want you to go back to “normal” quickly.
Ten years after diagnosis, I want to remember a few things:
Healthy pleasures boost the immune system and make life worth living!
To grasp the world more fully, one must grasp it gently. (Aharonov & Rohrlich)
“There’s so much I still want to accomplish! I want to write a book, and move forward on all my goals,” says Annabelle in my office this week. Her formerly black hair is growing back slowly, a steel gray, wiry texture I can see, now that her headscarf is gone.
She feels weak and fatigued, and has trouble organizing her schedule because of chemobrain from treatment and early chemically induced menopause. She’s fatigued and just beginning to understand the effects of treatment on her body and mind. But today she has no patience for herself: “I feel like I’m just being lazy. I’ve already lost time being sick. No more excuses!”
Last week, her perspective was different: “I want to do more meditation because it centers me and helps me remember to be more loving towards myself and my family. I know it’s ok for me to rest and heal. I’ve been through a lot. I’ve been so grateful for each moment and I just want to be present and open to how life is unfolding.”
Annabelle is facing the dilemma many cancer patients and survivors face and that I deeply relate to as well. Facing the reality of her own mortality in a new way, she understandably wants to make every moment count and accomplish outstanding goals. On the other hand, she wants to breathe in each precious moment and experience it more fully.
How to reconcile this seeming paradox? It’s a challenge to DO and BE at the same time.
One way is to embrace it. Yes, you have clarity about what you wish to accomplish AND you can give yourself the time you need for healing, resting. and being awake to what is happening around you, the miracles of life and love. You can have both, but NOT always simultaneously.
To help myself, I schedule my “being time” meditation practice for the morning and slow my daily routine down, making room for running late, a sick child, forgetting something. I challenge the inner critic who judges me negatively or pressures me to work harder, taking on more, in order to feel worthy. After cancer, I say “no” a lot so that I can say “yes” with real joy.
But I don’t lose sight of my goals and neither should you. Listening to your desire for new experiences and going outside your comfort zone, are crucial for your vitality.
How do you manage this paradox, the desire to get things done vs. allowing yourself the space and grace to observe and delight in the moment?
Thanksgiving 2007. We had a month old baby girl and were over the moon in love with her. But I wasn’t sleeping at all which made me a little psychotic and I had mastistis, a breast infection, which made breastfeeding excruciating. Looking back, I probably also had post partum depression. Or was it intuition about what was coming?
Still, our baby was healthy and happy and we were trying to adjust to new life rhythms.
Following Thanksgiving, I underwent a series of scans that led to a biopsy, that led to being diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer on December 13. My daughter was 2 months old.
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This moment. This breath.
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I went for chemo at MD Anderson throughout 2008, and often asked my friend GG to accompany me. I looked forward to being with her because she was relaxed and neutral and present. She didn’t try to cheer me up. She was just available and gave her time generously. Each time I called her up to see if she could come, the answer was always yes, without checking her schedule.
I found it natural to be grateful for many blessings-health insurance, the support of family and friends, the ability to take time off work, my daughter’s health and the love she received from community. But it was hard to be grateful for the rest-the impact on my body of grueling procedures, life interruptions, the pain, the fear of leaving my daughter, the insomnia, the emotional ups and downs that felt terrible when everyone was trying to be kind.
When GG was there, she helped me stay in the present moment, expressing gratitude for things exactly as they were. Often, that was the opposite of what I was feeling, which was scared and exhausted.
After the nurses set up infusion bags, while waiting to begin the chemo, we set a healing intention. We prayed the chemo would reach the cancer cells and spare the rest.
And each time, GG made this simple statement: “Thank You for this moment. Thank You for this breath.”
So simple. I couldn’t have come up with those words, but her prayer shifted me into being present with everything just as it was: the boredom of the moment, how slow it all went, the physical discomfort, my connection to a loving friend, and the profound lack of certainty.
Ten years later, I’m still learning to be thankful for each moment and each breath.
Before reading further, take a moment to feel connected to your body. Notice the sensations connecting you to a chair, the floor, or bed.
Breathe long and deep a few times, allowing your chest and belly to expand on the inhale like you are filling a balloon with air, and relax with the exhale.
Now bring your fingertips just below your nostrils and breathe out powerfully a few times. Can you discern which side of your nostrils is more open than the other at this moment? Left, right, or equal?
I’m going to share a secret about your body you probably never learned growing up or in school: several times a day, our bodies naturally change which nostril side is more open and easier to breathe through.
Why on earth is this important?!
Many of us, but cancer survivors in particular, struggle with fatigue, difficulty focusing, anxiety and insomnia.
Yogic breathing practices such as alternate nostril breathing can help you bring more prana (life force energy) into your body to manage the side effects of cancer.
At a given moment, the nostril side which is more open reveals the state of your mind and energy. You can even learn to track your mental state and physical energy by observing which side is more open or more blocked.
You have an incredible potential to change your state of mind and body by deliberately switching which nostril side is more open through alternate nostril breathing.
When I first learned about this and started using it in my daily life, I felt like I had a hidden superpower to lower stress, calm emotional reactions, make me more alert, reduce anxiety, and choose to focus.
But which side is which?
TO RELAX-Open the Left Side
When your left side is more open, you are usually calmer, more relaxed, less anxious. (You might also feel tired or sleepy, unfocused or fatigued). When the left side is more open, it is easier to fall asleep.
If you find yourself struggling to sleep, check which side of your nostrils is more open. With insomnia, based on my own experience, I can almost guarantee that the left side is blocked and the right side is open.
To encourage relaxation or sleep, block the right nostril and begin long deep breathing through the left. Continue for 3-11 minutes or until the dominance changes to the left. Lie on your right side to sleep, allowing the left nostril more ease at being open.
Anxiety: If you are feeling anxious during the day, check your nostrils. No doubt the right side is more open and the left side is blocked. Again, block the right side and begin long deep breathing through the left. You can practice anywhere!
Practice along with me to lower anxiety OR get ready to sleep by clicking here:http://www.kellyinselmann.com/monday-morning-videos/lower-anxiety-with-left-nostril-breathing/
FIGHT FATIGUE-Open the Right Side
When the right side is open, you are usually more alert and awake with higher energy. (You might also be feeling anxious or restless).
If you need to stay awake, drive, study, listen to a friend or client, care for a child, block the left nostril with your left thumb and begin breathing long and deep through the right side for 3-11 minutes or until the dominance switches to the right.
To wake up, energize your body, focus, become more alert OR to lift your mood, practice along with me by clicking here:http://www.kellyinselmann.com/monday-morning-videos/energize-with-right-nostril-breathing/
Believe it or not, there are some yogis who, with practice, can learn to switch the dominance of the nostril without even using the fingers to block one side. Through deep self awareness and attention they are able to open up one side or the other.
Let me know the results of your observations and experiments!
Sign Up Now for the March 26, 2017 afternoon workshop at YogaYoga Westgate. 2-4:30pm $30
Practice yoga and meditation specially chosen for cancer survivors and experience your own sacredness, relaxation and joy. Connect deeply within yourself and with people who truly understand your experiences.
To register:http://www.yogayoga.com/calendar/details?event_id=30429302
A lingering cough that won’t go away finally made Roxanne call her oncologist.
Leaning on the kitchen counter with the plates and forks from breakfast piled beside the sink, she hears the nurse say: “With your history, we need to have you come in and check it out.” Her heart rate quickens and her mind goes blank. Then it dips into the worst possibilities. The shock and fear she felt when first diagnosed three years ago returns full force.
It’s not much fun to talk about the terror of cancer. Many survivors experience fear and terror over and over again, beginning with when they are first diagnosed.
For the past 7 years, I’ve taught a weekly yoga class for cancer survivors. Checking in before we start, people share what motivated them to come. Often it is hope of relief, the sense of wellbeing when we finish, learning to meditate, connecting with their tribe. It’s also “letting go of fearful thoughts,” a scan in the afternoon,” stress, or a “cancerversary” date approaching.
Over the next 2 days, Roxanne’s breath is shallow, hard to catch and control. Her mind won’t be still and she loses focus. She tries to go shopping with her mother and teenage daughter for a dress to wear to a wedding but feels impatient and grumpy. She avoids talking about her fear and anxiety because she thinks it will alarm them. After all, she doesn’t know anything yet.
Protecting others from pain and worry, Roxanne shoulders it alone. Inside she obsesses: Will her life and goals be hijacked by new medical interventions? Will she lose the energy she’s finally recovered? How will her daughter, Lily, react when she finds out?
She knows it might be nothing. And worse case scenario, a recurrence is not a death sentence. But she no longer has the illusion that it can’t happen to her.
She cries in the shower where no one can see. She reads a new mystery by her favorite author. Enjoying ice cream, she lies in bed and watches Netflix. An Ativan stops the agony of rumination so she can sleep at night. She has trouble getting out of bed in the morning.
Neuroscience teaches that under (real or perceived) threat of danger, your body goes into fight, flight, or freeze in order to survive.
The fear response Roxanne had is faster than lightning and outside her control.
Once you are aware of how your nervous system has reacted, here are some ways to soothe and care for yourself:
Simple warm up exercise for cancer survivors to move the body and balance the mind. Feel grounded, centered, and soothed with these movements that get the circulation moving and balance the hemispheres of the brain. Great for dealing with chemobrain, anxiety, and stiff joints.
This short video shows a warm up exercise that increases your prana (life force energy) and discharges tension and stress. Letting go of tension, cancer survivors will feel more room inside themselves for their own thoughts, feelings and sensations.
DISCLAIMER
I’m a licensed clinical social worker and yoga teacher practicing in Austin, Texas. My writings and videos represent a combination of my own personal opinions and my professional training, but they do not reflect professional or medical advice. Interaction with me via the vlog or blog does not constitute a professional therapeutic relationship. For individualized professional advice, you should seek the services of a therapist who can dedicate the time necessary to get to know you and your physical and mental health needs. I do not assume liability for any portion or content of material on the vlog/blog and accept no liability for damage or injury resulting from your decision to interact with the website.
© 2024 Kelly Inselmann. All Rights Reserved.
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When I remember my Joy Boots… I feel grounded, connected to the earth and my place in it. I accept my body with its vulnerabilities and sensations. I am aware of my breathing and able to breathe deeply. I am connected to my own life force energy.