May 2019 - Kelly Inselmann

Are You Easily Shocked?

June 1, 2019May 30, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

Learning that you or a loved one has cancer is a shock. Most survivors measure their lives as before and after cancer, often commemorating the day of diagnosis as their “cancerversary,” the day their lives changed forever.

The word cancer itself, until very recently, was whispered and avoided for the fear it could inspire.

People who were very ill were sometimes not even told their diagnosis for fear that

the truth would create unbearable emotional distress.

What does emotional shock look like? It can vary:

Difficulty concentrating
Memory lapses
Confusion
Feeling shut down or numb
Inability to function
Fear, anger, difficulty controlling emotions
Feelings of helplessness
Feeling outside of your body
Difficulty remaining in the present moment
Laughing, crying, screaming
Being in denial and moving along as though nothing has happened.
At a moment when you most need to be clearminded in order to make complicated decisions on treatment, you may feel foggy, overwhelmed or emotionally disregulated.

It’s a challenge, but this is the time to get grounded.

Getting grounded means taking measures to feel connected to your body, your breath and the present moment.

In a moment of overwhelm, here’s what I recommend for getting grounded:

Rely on your community – start talking and sharing what you feel with safe people. Do not try to go it alone if you can connect with others. Get and give hugs and healthy touch (try a massage!).
If you don’t have much social support at diagnosis, reach out immediately for support groups in person and online. Find spaces that are encouraging and uplifting at this point in the process.
Do practices for connecting to your body and breath , and through your body to the earth and nature. Walking, running, swimming, meditation, yoga, connecting to pets or children.
Check out this video for one guided practice:http://www.kellyinselmann.com/monday-morning-videos/move-the-body-balance-the-mind-warm-ups/

The Art of Saying No

May 22, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

So you want to say no, but you don’t know how?

If you are unsure whether you should make others comfortable at your own expense, read last week’s post here http://www.kellyinselmann.com/monday-morning-videos/can-boundaries-improve-your-relationships/?fbclid=IwAR2H7X9QkWEv137hzdRV6AmBgPTQuIDU-ABZBLb5ozbGeFzydbukQ-4AC7Y

Many people don’t get early training in saying no or asserting yourself. That’s ok-but there’s no time like the present to start!

In the service of your health and emotional wellbeing, you must be willing to take the time and space you need to heal.

And that means being willing to choose to prioritize your peace of mind and energy and to reclaim your time. Giving yourself this permission can be the hardest part for some people.

Does this mean never help or be there for another person? Of course not!

But I will wager most of you are already well trained and adept in the art of putting others first.

Allow me to share a few of the phrases that make it easier for for me to protect my energy:

I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I’m going to have to hang up now. Talk to you later. Then hang up!
I really want to hear more about this, but I’m going to have to call you back (take a nap, get on to my next activity). Then move along.
I wish I could sign up, but I’m still healing/resting/receiving treatment.
I wish I could, but I can’t.
I’m not in a position to volunteer right now.
No thank you.
“No.” It can be a complete sentence!
I’d love to, but let me think about it. I’m still healing.
Do not raise your hand or sign your name if it’s not going to bring you JOY (or save an actual life).
Try to avoid giving long explanations that will tempt others to keep asking.

It’ s crucial to get used to the idea that you may not receive as much (or any!) praise and thanks for saying no. Some people may even push back with annoyance or hurt.

But as you stop overcommitting, you are making space for joy, delight, and healing. You are preparing for the moment that you can say YES and mean it.

It is your right and responsibility to keep setting limits on activities that drain your energy.

They may not thank you for saying no, but that’s OK!

Can Boundaries Improve Your Relationships?

May 16, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

Do you ever feel depleted by relationships that are draining? This can be a signal to notice whether you are maintaining healthy boundaries.

When you hear the word boundaries, what comes up for you?

Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits about how you want to spend your energy and how you will allow others to treat you. They can be either explicitly stated or simply understood by the parties involved.

Healthy, appropriate boundaries create more safety and enjoyment for everyone in the relationship. Expectations are clear and the needs of both parties are more likely to be understood and met.

For example, Sandra had friend who was eager to “cheer her up” but her way of doing so felt intrusive. She called too much and seemed to want a lot of reassurance and attention from Sandra who was fatigued at the end of chemo. She acted hurt or offended if Sandra couldn’t connect with her as often as she wanted.

Boundaries can be tricky during the cancer experience. On the one hand, you may need assistance more than ever. For some, learning how to ask for help and be the recipient of assistance feels very vulnerable even with kind hearted people who could potentially be uplifting in your moment of need.

Sometimes, though, you may end up relying on people with whom you have a complicated relationship. You may even question whether the “assistance” is worth the interaction.

Part of taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is having healthy boundaries. You may not realize this, but there is no relationship or dynamic that you cannot stop and re-evaluate.

Another common challenge is Rebecca’s experience of family and friends wanting her to “get on with life” and “embrace the new normal” when she still needs time and space to heal, eboth physically or emotionally. You may not yet be ready for lots of social activities or to resume family or community responsibilities that aren’t urgent.

When thinking of which boundaries (and relationships) to maintain, I like the questions posed by yoga teacher Donna Farhi:

When attempting to determine what is a healthy boundary for yourself, feel in your body and ask these questions:

When I consider doing xyz, does this cause energetic discomfort or uncomfortable feelings to arise in my body?

When I consider not doing or allowing xyz, what feelings arise in my body?

Am I unable to assert my boundaries because my primary concern is about protecting, not hurting, or offending the other person?

When I honor how I feel in an unqualified way and imagine the outcome that would allow me to respect my boundaries, how do I feel in my body?

This week, experiment with noticing your own boundaries in relationships.

Where might an adjustment need to be made so that you feel freer energetically?

Stay tuned for next week’s post about strategies for speaking up!

Befriending Discomfort and Each Other

April 9, 2024May 10, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

The cancer experience almost invariably brings discomfort. From initial diagnosis through treatment and after, physical and emotional discomfort can be a side effect.

I’ve been invited to present on my work at the International Yoga Therapy Conference and plan to share 3 healing elements from trauma psychology (which derived them from eastern mindfulness practices) to address working with discomfort. I teach these in every class and group to address side effects, anxiety and depression, and PTSD.

These Elements of Befriending Discomfort are:

Getting “Grounded”

Becoming the Observer.

Allowing Everything to Be (just as it is in this moment).

All of this is easier said than done. That’s why we need places to practice!

How can you learn these practices with me?

Join the JoyBoots Community List and receive a free weekly Monday newsletter with meditations and inspiration for emotional recovery after cancer.
Try the Tuesday online LIVE JoyBoots Sanctuary Community from the comfort of your own home.
Attend the Wellness Warrior Yoga class on Wednesdays at noon at YogaYoga Westgate (open to women and men)
Schedule an individual session with me at Cancer Rehab and Integrative Medicines. Office hours are Thursdays or online.kellyinselmanntherapy@gmail.com
Get on the preregistration list for my 6 week online course, Healing Well: Reconnect with Your Life After Cancer which begins again in July.kellyinselmanntherapy@gmail.com

My groups and classes are lively and full of smart women who have made strong friendships and support one another as well as welcome newcomers. All programs are open to women who have experienced any type of cancer.

Befriending discomfort is an ongoing practice of bringing light and compassion to yourself and your human experience. It’s also allowing others to connect with you, even through the pain. Sharing the burden can mitigate the pain.

The Benefits of Interrupting

May 14, 2020May 3, 2019 by Kelly Inselmann

Is interrupting always rude? Raised in Texas to have good manners, I learned never to interrupt, to be a good listener and to make a lot of space for others.

But having survived cancer and hit the half century mark, I’m starting to think differently about interrupting.

Particularly when it’s in the service of my mental, physical and emotional health.

If you are like me, it’s easy to operate on automatic pilot, attending to the same tasks, driving to the same places, cooking the same meals, distracting yourself in the same ways, listening to the same people, even thinking the same thoughts.

Do you have any thoughts that are repeated over and over? How are they serving you?

Cancer and other difficult situations can shock you right out of your everyday illusions, waking you to appreciate what you have taken for granted, challenging you to deepen your awareness of the present moment.

Difficulties and tragedies awaken your ability to more clearly see the patterns in your life and make different choices.

What are the patterns to interrupt? For example, our pattern of shallow breathing which reinforces anxiety, ruminating negative thoughts about the past or future, restricted range of movement, repressing emotions, making others comfortable at your own expense, isolating yourself, and ignoring your own intuition.

I love to teach yoga and meditation, breathwork and mantra as tools that disrupt the status quo inside of you.

These practices create a space outside your normal pattern, even if for just a moment. It is in these moments that you begin to observe your patterns. By becoming the observer, over time, you are able to choose different habits of movement, thinking and breathing. And meanwhile you are experiencing moments of greater calm and openness.

These moments have a cumulative effect and over time can strengthen and stabilize your mind and energy.

You don’t have to only behave according to the cultural customs you learned. As long as you are alive, you can try new things if you can momentarily disrupt how things have always been.