Looking to nature helps me appreciate the cycles of life.
The lush abundance of a cool early summer with lots of rain, has moved into stifling heat this year and the grass is turning brown.
Over the past month, as my husband and I waded through medical decisions and his surgery approached, I felt more than a trace of desperation. I found myself falling apart in the face of the unknown. I didn’t know the outcome of my husband’s surgery and leaving my daughter behind as her new school began, to be cared for by relative strangers, felt like a terrible choice.
I appreciated the many good wishes sent my way through email, Facebook and the ethers. They helped to sustain me.
As happens in all moments of falling apart, the process did have an eventual end point as my husband emerged from a successful surgery and is recovering well. My daughter showed great independence and resilience, even while snapping right back into her basic “tween” attitude as soon as we returned.
As with all feelings and states of being, nothing is permanent. Not the dreaded pain and fear, nor the moments of joy we wish we could hold onto forever.
Falling apart is an essential ingredient in the cycle of life. The seeding or germination is followed by birth and Life! And then there is a falling apart (slow or quick), a death or endpoint, which in nature always leads to a transformation or rebirth. If you don’t fall apart, is there transformation?
One of the classic meditations in kundalini yoga, Kirtan Kriya, directly includes the awareness of this cycle of life. The Sa-Ta-Na-Ma meditation has been studied at UCLA and found to lower inflammation and improve memory. It is now being studied at the UT School of Nursing to understand it’s possible impact on cognitive function after chemotherapy.
Kirtan Kriya is a powerful meditation for clearing your subconscious and bringing you into the present moment. With each 4 part phrase, you acknowledge the beginning, middle and end of all parts of life and your experiences.
Here’s a link to practice it with me:http://www.kellyinselmann.com/monday-morning-videos/meditating-on-the-cycle-of-life/
Or here for an audio recording: https://www.therapistuncensored.com/tu52-bonus/
As I begin this week in an improved frame of mind and with stronger energy, I’m grateful to the part of me that was willing to allow the experience of falling apart. I’m going to need the strength to fall apart again and again.
Resistance to acknowledging your feelings of fear, sadness, grief and anger, can freeze your feelings and make you feel numb inside. It also, at least in my case, keeps me from acknowledging that I need help and asking for it.
Falling apart is uncomfortable but essential.
