June 2018 - Kelly Inselmann

Grateful Warrior?

March 25, 2024June 23, 2018 by Kelly Inselmann

Lydia confides that she feels sad and depressed most of the day, lacking energy to move forward on her goals for self care and to enjoy her life more. On top of feeling depressed and fatigued, her inner critic blames her for not “getting over it.”

If only it were that easy. Who wouldn’t “get over it” if they could?

The reality is that emotional healing takes time and support. For me, healing came in stages-and I needed to have safe spaces that supported me in expressing what I was really feeling-even years after active treatment. And 10 years later, there are pieces that I still need to revisit-especially when it has to do with a side effect continuing to need attention (like lymphedema or osteoporosis) or ways I notice my life is different than it might have been. Time helps tremendously with the acceptance and integration of my cancer experience, but it’s still an ongoing process of observing and expressing my feelings. The more I express my feelings, especially the “negative” ones, the lighter I feel and the more energy I have.

Many survivors are reluctant to share “negative” feelings, believing (often correctly in my opinion!) that loved ones prefer to see the Grateful Warrior face of your experience, not the lingering effects of a traumatic experience.

Gratitude and grit have no doubt been part of your journey, but they are not the whole story.

Recent research in neurobiology finds that ignoring or repressing emotions or memories does not make them disappear. Instead, the limbic system, the emotional part of the brain, stays activated as though the initial experience is actually happening.

You might not be talking about it, but you are still feeling unexpressed emotions, in the mind or in the body.

To heal, you must find safe spaces and people to acknowledge and express yourself.

Kelly’s Podcast On Emotional Healing

June 23, 2018June 18, 2018 by Kelly Inselmann

Emotional suffering and mental health challenges are side effects of the cancer experience that often go unaddressed.

Your life is turned upside down by the shock of the diagnosis, and grueling treatments affect your nervous system, hormones, sleep, range of movement and body function. Relationships are tested and financial worries take center stage. Sometimes there is lingering pain. Always there is some fear of recurrence or spreading.

Your medical team is rightly focused on eliminating or holding the cancer at bay. And many cancer patients and survivors are fortunate to be supported and cared for by loving communities.

Yet survivors sometimes feel a pressure to minimize how deeply they are emotionally impacted, in an attempt to “stay positive” or “spiritual” and to avoid making others uncomfortable by sharing their physical and/or emotional pain.

I’m on a mission to address emotional recovery in the cancer experience so that people can move past the “new normal” with vitality. I was recently delighted to be interviewed by the Therapist Uncensored Podcast about my 6 Principles for Emotional Recovery after Cancer. Check it out:

http://www.therapistuncensored.com/tu63/

Room for All of This

March 25, 2024June 11, 2018 by Kelly Inselmann

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved.

They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again.

It’s just like that.

The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen:

room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

― Pema Chödrön

Treasure in the Clay Pot

March 25, 2024June 4, 2018 by Kelly Inselmann

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

Joseph Campbell

Leslie had the next 5 years planned out.

She had quit the large law firm in order to stay home with her kids. Her plan was to eventually move into flexible part time practice for more time home and less pressure to make billable hours.

Leslie was an organized woman. Vacations and visits to relatives were scheduled in advance. Babysitters and grandparents were on call to help as needed. Her house was clean and orderly, even with young kids. She volunteered, gave money to good causes, and had good friends.

Leslie felt competent and in control much of the time. This was very important to her. Like any young mother she was sleep deprived, but things were working out well and she had a strong belief that with correct planning, life would get better and better.

And then one day, she discovered a lump in her breast.

You can guess where this is headed…

To put it bluntly, all of Leslie’s expectations came to a grinding halt and things changed forever.

Though she had good insurance and lots of support from family and community, it was still excruciatingly difficult to undergo aggressive medical treatments for the better part of a year. She felt lonely and confused. She also felt depressed and scared. Sometimes she felt angry.

And when the active treatment was over, she was left with many side effects, especially chemobrain and lymphedema of the arm and torso, both of which caused her much frustration and grief.

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This past weekend, I visited my mother in Houston. As we were sitting in her church on Sunday morning, I was struck by one of the verses and thought of Leslie and what it takes to recover emotionally from cancer:

For it is the God who said “Let light shine out of darkness”…But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed…

2 Corinthians 4:5-12

You may feel all of this as you go through treatment or recovery from it: afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, struck down. And I would venture to say that many of us also feel crushed, despairing, forsaken, and destroyed at times.

The key to freedom is the treasure in the clay pot that lifts you out of these dark places of isolation, fear, and feelings of abandonment. It’s the light inside of you, the clay pot being your body…

In my view, the Light is your experience of the Infinite, and a power greater than yourself, however you imagine that to be. While parts of you are finite and your body is vulnerable and limited (especially as you go through or recover from cancer), the Light is also there, just beneath the surface.

Remembering this Light, connecting to it is, is part of yoga and meditation practice. A favorite element of kundalini yoga practice is the song we end with in class:

May the longtime sun shine upon you

All love surround you

and the pure light within you

guide your way on